girlfriend application.

must meet the following criteria:

1. must be funny. i mean like really funny. a broad spectrum of dry wit and extreme silliness.
2. must be very attractive, but not act like yr shit don't stink because yr hot.
3. must own and actively ride at least one bicycle (cruisers will be tolerated, but you will catch scornful glares).
4. no vegans or vegetarians, carnivores preferred. i like to cook meat.
5. must enjoy food and drink with zeal.
6. no eating disorders
7. no bi-polars, manic depressives, or clinically insane girls. a little crazy is awesome, but not the "i stopped taking my meds and now i am going to stab you" crazy.
8. no smokers (a few fags at the bar is fine).
9. no stoners.
10. no hippies
11. no idiots.
12. must, must, must enjoy sex.
13. must have really good taste in music and movies (this is crucial).
14. must LOVE cats. allergics need not apply.
15. no runners. nothing personal, i just have extreme prejudice against running. don't ask why.
16. must be independent, but sweet.
17. must communicate.
18. a hatred of mayo would be ideal.
19. agnostic or atheist please.
20. must love bacon.

rules subject to change.
not currently accepting applications.